Life is crazy. Ups and downs, turns, and pits, and what seems to race at rocket speed. There are times my soul feels so watered, and ready to charge hills. And, there are times my soul feels restless, uneasy, and unsatisfied. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment when my soul goes through the ringer. It changes so unexpectedly with the blink of an eye. I sit here and laugh at how silly I sound. Should I even post what I have said so far?
But I see it, I hear it in everyone. Circumstances, seasons, and days change. People one minute satisfied, and the next starving for change and intimacy with the Father. We all have our stuff and the different points of life that affect us. A few months ago I felt as though I was on the highest mountain spiritually. I think I was the closest I have ever felt to the Lord. I couldn't see myself anywhere else. It's where I longed to be forever. Soaking in everything the Lord had to offer me, happily at his feet.
Then I came back down the mountain. How did I get down here, I thought? Through searching and seeking, Jesus gently reminded me that even Moses had to come back down the mountain. Yes, he had to come down so he could bring the people what God had given him. I can't imagine Moses wanting to come down the mountain to grumbling Israelites, who built a golden calf in his absense. But he did. And then I am encouraged, because, even though I feel stuck on the plateau, I remember even Moses went back up the mountain. So here I am longing for what I had just what feels like yesterday, and remind myself you will climb many more mountains. Trust the season I'm in. Fight the temptation to stay stagnant, and do everything I can where I am to be in His presence. Because, as long as I know I am doing everything I can to draw near to Him, then in the midst of what looks like a plateau, will feel like I am on the highest mountain.
The problem is, we all get stuck in the rut of it. Instead of seeking Him with everything we got in the rut just like we did on our mountain high, we lose the drive and will to do so. We hear each other saying, "I want to read the word, I want to make time, I want to sit at His feet. I just don't do it, I don't make time for it." But why? Why though? Why does it take camps, conferences, and sabbaths to jolt us back to feeling Him, seeing Him, and seeking Him? Can we not remember we can see, feel, and seek Him in our rut? In our ugly He is there, if not closer than He was back at camp.
The problem is we view camps, conferences and sabbaths as vacation. We have all the time in the world to see Him on what we deem vacation. Then we view prayer time, study time, journaling, seeking Him, and growing in Him as work. None of us want to put in the work. We want the feeling to come easy, without effort. Vacation is great, because you aren't busy and distracted. Just like at camps, and conferences. We make time to focus. Then, when we get back to our daily routines diversions hit, and we believe the lie the enemy whispers, -Jesus isn't around right now.- And we start saying, if only I could be back at that conference...then I could see Him, feel Him, and have the time to seek Him.
Pastor's wife, if you find yourself on the mountain, and others days feel find yourself wandering down the mountain. There is no time like off the mountain than to seek Him, and find Him. He is with you. Let me tell you and myself what we don't have time for. We don't have time to make excuses and believe the lies of the enemy. There is no time like today than to put on some worship, sing His praises, open your word, meditate on His word, and pray to Him. He is closer than a still small whisper.
The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth.
"Am I a God who is near," declares the LORD, "And not a God who is far off?"
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
xo a girl who sleeps with the pastor