As much as I would like to say, I get in a boxing ring and duke it out with the Pastor, that simply isn't true. Maybe one day. Truth is, I fight verbally with the pastor. Navigating through different styles of fighting, there is one thing I do know in my short almost seven years of marriage. We fight, and we are good at it. Match us against another couple, & we will probably win, hands down every time.
While this isn't something most admit. Along the journey through marriage, I have had my share of believing other couples don't fight, don't fight as much, or if they are a pastor and his wife they absolutely never do. It's funny how we see everyone else's highlight reels on Facebook, Instagram, or at church on Sunday morning, and idolize who we see on the surface. When in reality, they are just like us. Don't get me wrong. Highlights are just as real as what goes on behind closed doors. What isn't real, is when we believe the lie the enemy likes us to believe, & that is, that it's all smiles and fun "all the time."
I heard a pastor this past year talk about spouses fighting. He said, "If two of you are fighting, you can guarantee at least one if not both, are not walking in the fruit of the spirit." WOW! My mind was blown. It really put things into perspective for me. The hurt, and anger, is a result from not having the fruit of the spirit in those moments. It reminded me again, we aren't perfect people, and that we are in need of Jesus every minute of the day. If one spouse or both aren't intentionally walking in the fruit of the spirit, then arguing, anger, bitterness, and more can come from our flesh.
These past few months the Lord has been teaching me a lot through our moments in the ring. Fighting doesn't have to look the way it usually does. A disagreement that turns into one or both leaving hurt, until the next time we hash it out again. But, resolution, restoration, and peace can happen in the midst of chaos. In the past, our fights have usually left this heart a little bitter, bottling up each argument like tokens. Leaving fights open-ended, never settling the issue at hand until the next go round. Never listening, just pointing fingers, and really good at lacking the fruit of the spirit in those moments.
I wish I could stand here and give you a 1-2-3 step, or tell you I have mastered the art of marriage and fighting. But I haven't. I am just a pastor's wife, like you, seeking to let Jesus transform my life in every area. Desiring to always grow, and get better at my weakness'. I recently told my husband on the way back from a trip --marriage just doesn't get better or easier on its own. We can say we will try this, read a book, follow other people's tricks and advice. But at the end of the day, Jesus is the only answer. He is the only fixer. Laying our lives down as husband and wife at His feet daily, having Him breathe life into us, and give us the fruit of the spirit, is ultimately what will fight off our fleshy moments. Jesus is our peace in our chaotic moments of life in marriage.
xo a girl who sleeps with the pastor