I was arrested two nights ago. That's right. September 1, 2015 the pastor's wife got arrested for the first time. I wish I could exaggerate the story, or make it sound even more epic than "I got arrested" already does. But, I can't. So here goes the story, before my mugshot reaches you first.
It all began a few months ago. Actually, if I am truthful, it all began years ago. Somehow, my husband has an amazing gift at getting pulled over, and always getting a warning. I on the other hand, can manage to land a threat to get arrested. Two nights ago, isn't my first rodeo. Just my first real arrest. And, I extend giving you the reason, only because it isn't all that awesome, or even warrant a call for an arrest. I wish I could say I am as bad to the bone as Bonnie & Clyde. Or even, Liam Neeson. But, I am still just the pastor's wife, that somehow manages to get an arrest on my record.
For those of you wondering what happened back in 2010. I was driving with an expired tag, and expired license. They were going to cuff me and take me in, however I was about to have a baby any day. Now for the real action. A few months ago I got pulled over by a bicycle cop. Yes, a cop on a bicycle. Its rather embarrassing, really. How slow are you even driving, to get pulled over by a man on a dinky bicycle. Apparently, slow enough. The charge--not wearing my seatbelt. Now before you all gasp in horror, that I don't wear my seatbelt. I was just driving around a parking lot trying to find a good spot to get some coffee. So I un-clicked the belt, that way I could get out and run in quicker, while my grandmother sat in the car with my kids. So there you have it, a $10 ticket.
Fast forward. My sweet, dear Pastor husband, God rest his soul. Only kidding, he is still alive and well. He insisted on taking care of the ticket for me, but somehow managed to let the minute ticket slip his mind when it was due to be paid. Which landed me a capias warrant for arrest for failing to pay or appear in court. Fast forward to two nights ago. My husband was driving the family, and got pulled over for a missing headlight. He got away with his usual warning. Now for the real kicker. The police officer asked for my license, then they proceed to ask my husband to step out of the car. They tell him what is about to happen, then Jim comes to my door, opens it, and says "They are taking you in." I ask if I can feed my five week old baby real fast. They agree, but I have to have an officer beside me while I do so, in case this pastor's wife tries to pull a fast one and run.
Next, I get escorted to the police car, cuffed with my arms behind me, then driven off to the clinker. Mind you, I am in cheery spirits because, one, I think it is funny. And second, I am thinking I will sit in a police office until my husband comes and pays for my ticket. But no, that isn't how this story goes. We arrive. I get escorted in by two police. I get patted down for weapons or drugs. Cuffs are released, and my shoes and belongings are taken from me and put in a bag. (I am still in good spirits.) I round the corner to a big open room with non see through glass, and huge thick closed, locked doors. Then one opens. I wish I had sound effects right know so you knew how epicly awesome and intense this door was. But I don't, so if you can imagine with me. I then, look inside and see women. Women who look like they have crazy, scary stories I don't want to know. I look back at the officer, and say "You are kidding right?" She tells me, "No, get in." My smile fades, my eyes are welling up with tears by this point, as I argue a little with her. "You are kidding. Am I going to be ok? Will you check on me? Promise you are going to come back and make sure I am ok." She reassures me everything is going to be ok. So I choke back my tears, walk my barefoot self into a concrete room with a little silver toilet, women, and sit on a slab of concrete.
I sit, and observe. One woman has scabs all over her body, another is crying, one has missing teeth…shall I go on? I mean, y'all, I am mortified! They ask me what I am in doing time for. I tell them, I just didn't pay a ticket. I mainly listen, and try not to get all Jackie Chan on anyone. One gets heated because she can't place a phone call, and can't get a blanket. Other than that, I sit for a good 45 minutes trying not to bring attention to myself...until the door opens. I hear my name called and that I made bail. I don't really remember how I made it to the door. But I ran, and slammed that thing shut as quick as I could. The next fifteen minutes, I managed to get fingerprinted, a mugshot, and asked a million questions just so they have it on record for the next time I get arrested.
So here I am. A free woman (for now.) After day two, all we are walking away with is, one, a great sermon illustration. Two, I now have to tell people I have been arrested when I am filling out paperwork, or asked if I have ever been arrested. And three, a great conversation starter. But, God is great. So, I am going to expect something even more awesome to come out of this crazy, hopefully once in a life-time story.
Until then, pastors' wives. Click it or ticket. Or you may possibly get jail time, until the pastor bails you out.
--Be sure to read THE OFFICER 's comment in the comments below!--
xo a girl who sleeps with the pastor