I must confess, I have never really known what I am doing when it comes to being a pastor's wife. The title is grand, so I look to other pastors' wives I admire for inspiration. But let's get real, even they don't exactly know what they are doing. Like being a mother. In Target, I watch the mother struggle with her screaming toddler, while my children are in rare "angel" quiet loving moods. She probably thinks I have it all together as a mother. But really, I just lost it in the van on the way because one was whining, the other was hitting his brother, and the other just exploded in her diaper. Put together? I am not that pastor's wife, mother, wife, or friend.
There is a whole lot of mess. I can't count the times I have gotten in a tiff with the pastor before a church service or church event. I have probably wanted to quit more than I should. I sometimes rather hide, than smile and say hello one more time. When hard circumstances have come our way, somehow resolving things never comes easy, only complicating things. Reading my bible was and still can be a struggle as I fight for time in the busy seasons that come. Vocalizing to my husband (pastor) how our family is failing has happened numerous times. Doubt has overcome this heart plenty in this call. I know, I really got that pastor's wife thing down.
I am SO that pastor's wife. I think we all are one way or another. The enemy likes to keep us pastors' wives apart, feeling alone. Viewing each other from a Target view. However, if we all sat down together regularly we would see, all of our lives are a little messy. The title pastor's wife doesn't deem our family a halo that makes us perfect. Actually, stuff can get a little messier for us, because of the target we now carry on our back as pastor's wife. The more I hear other pastors' wives stories, the more I realize I am not alone in this. We are all trying to figure this thing out, and sometimes we are extremely bad at it.
Pastor's Wife, we don't need to see you as the perfect pastor's wife. We are longing to know you & your mess. So on this journey we can encourage one another, make each other feel a little more normal, and identify with each other. Loving each other, praying for each other, and uniting together as THAT pastor's wife. Messy, but covered in His grace as we all try to walk this journey in Him the best we can.
xo a girl who sleeps with the pastor