I was young, my husband seven years older. When we started the church plant, most everyone was older than I. My age didn't seem to be an issue, that is until I stepped into the role of pastor's wife. All of a sudden not feeling good enough, old enough, or equipped enough started creeping in me. I could sense it from those around me, and I could hear myself thinking and believing it also. If only I had a few more years under my belt. If only God would shed a whole lot more wisdom on me. Then, just then maybe I will be good enough.
One of my go to answers, whenever asked my age was "I'm old enough." Luckily for my sake, since my husband is seven years older, new people always assumed I was around his age too. Lucky me. I clung to scripture about how God called and used young people around my age to do big things for His kingdom. I held on tight, but that still didn't satisfy in me the longing to be fully grown, and viewed as the greatest pastor's wife that people were inspired by. Instead, I was drowning in my early twenties from the expectations placed on me to be older, and confused what this role was suppose to look like. Why did God choose me? If people think I am too young, and I don't think I am equipped enough.
I drew back. I didn't want to meet with women for coffee in the church. I couldn't handle the weight and pressure to be someone I wasn't, that I so longed to be. Perfect, older, wiser, well equipped, the best choice for the job. I believed I needed to be all of those things before I could walk in my call. As a result, it hindered me from growing, flourishing, and being ok in the season I was in. The season God called me to.
The truth is, I am still not perfect. Im not much older, definitely haven't reached the incredible amount of wisdom I long to get, I still have the same amount of equipping, and I may not be the best choice for the job. But all of that doesn't matter. My expectations of who I should already be, and others expectations of who I should, be fail in comparison to who God says I am, and who He is creating me to be. I will never reach perfect. People will always be older. God has always, and will continue to always equip me in every season where I am. I may not be the perfect choice for the job in my eyes, and others may agree. But God placed me where I am, because He sees me as the perfect choice.
Wherever God has placed you, in whatever season, don't let the weight of who you think you should be, and others say you should be to hinder you from flourishing and growing into who God wants you to be. We never, ever need to stop growing. Growth, is a good thing. It isn't scary, and it isn't defeat. Growth isn't saying I am not good enough. You are good enough exactly where you are. The truth is, we never actually arrive at flourished. We are always arriving at flourishing.
Flourish Where You Are
The Godly Flourish Like Leaves In Spring
The heart of "Flourish Where You Are" is that every woman can find the freedom in her own life to not be hindered anymore, but continuously grow. Sisters uniting together, to encourage one another wherever they are on this humbling journey to Christ.
There Is A God In Heaven Who Believes In You