There were seasons I felt alone as a pastor's wife. Whether it was seasons the enemy was striking relationships in the church, finances, or my marriage (relationship with the pastor.) There was no one to talk to. Everything held inside, just wanting so badly to be poured out to a sweet friend. Someone who "gets" this pastor's wife thing. I just didn't know where she was, or why God hadn't brought her into my life yet.
I felt alone, unseen, and unheard by the world I was living in. My husband (pastor) was so hyper focused on church that he didn't understand how I felt. In return, that made me feel as though he cared more about the church than he did me. And, friends of mine who were in the church, didn't know how I felt either. They didn't understand the responsibilities and weight our family carried leading a church. The last thing they needed to hear was how their pastor's wife felt alone in everything.
We can get to this point at anytime in our ministry. The enemy is well aware we have the greatest job in the world that can at times leave us feeling isolated. He seems to always be shooting his arrows our way in ministry. And, if we aren't careful, his arrows will penetrate us most when we alone. This is a dangerous place to be hit, because, we have no one specifically praying, listening, encouraging, and speaking truth into us. When we feel isolated, and alone, and start believing the lies. We believe we are unseen and unheard. We believe our husband cares more about church. We believe we we don't matter, that maybe we are the wrong girl for this.
Over the years of church planting I never had my confidante show up on my door step. There were a few times God placed women in my life for me to be encouraged by in that moment. However, my confidante I always hoped for, one I could always turn to, that would pull me back up, encourage me, and pray for me... she never showed up. But just maybe she did show up. Maybe she was there all along, I just never looked for her. I thought she would find me, not me find her.
I think in those seasons, longing for someone so bad to talk to. She was probably there all along, I just wasn't willing to look. I was too deep into feeling lonely, and confused by everything happening around me that I never looked up for her.
We need to start seeking our confidante/friend before seasons like this hit. We need to find someone to talk to when the going is good, so we know we can talk to them when the going gets rough. It may seem hard to talk to women in the church. And that's ok. Seek a pastor's wife from another church. Seek a woman in ministry from somewhere else. Long distance can seem like an impossible friendship. But I am here to tell you, one of my best friends came from a long distance relationship. I could tell her anything. After all, she wasn't right there up close in my world of ministry. She was an outside perspective 10 hours away that could let me rant and cry, then pull me out of the trenches and speak truth to me.
Pastor's wife seek her out. Find your confidante. If it doesn't work out with that particular woman, find someone else. We need people. We were never meant to feel alone in this role. We need to be willing to open up and pour out the gunk that comes our way in ministry to someone, and have them encourage and pray for us.
If you are currently in a season of feeling alone. Remember you are seen, heard, adored, and loved by the one who matters most. Jesus. He is always with you. Lean into Him, trust Him, and seek and find your confidante. You are doing great. Keep fighting the good fight. You are the perfect one to walk alongside your husband (pastor) and love on the church.
xo a girl who sleeps with the pastor