Sex and ministry can be a funny thing. Our thoughts can often be consumed with ministry, and church, that the romance and dreamy thoughts get hidden behind leading a full time ministry. We become ministry partners, and exceptional ones at that, that we forget to date the one we are married to. We can go a week, two weeks, and so on without having any sex. What is the big deal, women don't mind that.
Our husbands on the other hand, I think they mind a bit. If the statistics are true, that men think about sex every two minutes then I think they mind going two weeks in between sexual relations with their wife. However, not having the average husband because he has the hardest and greatest job in the world leading a church, let's just guess he thinks about it only five times a day. I don't care how many times it is, if he thinks about it once a day, he wants and needs sex.
1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
I know women have a hard time embracing this particular passage. I especially have in the past. What about my needs? Women are created to need their emotions met, while men need sex. He deprives me of listening to my thoughts, and meeting where I am emotionally. How is this fair? While I haven't gone against, and deprived my husband physically, I have mentally. You ladies know what I mean. When your thoughts go to the dishes, or plans for tomorrow, rather than being present in the moment with your husband. I think this still defines deprive.
I get it. There are times women don't feel like it. We don't feel good, have an argument, are exhausted from the day, and so on. If we look for it, we can always find a reason why not to have sex, because we aren't as sexually driven as men. However, what if I told you, you can be. Hear me out here. Three kids later, I have found that it is possible to have that spark again you once had when you were first married.
Sex for women doesn't have to be driven by our emotional needs being met. We are a selfish culture, that often live by "what do I get, if I give you that?" While women need love, and to be listened and adored by their husbands they don't have to let it rule over them. Drop the, I give 50% if you give 50%. When you said, "I Do" you gave all of you to your husband, and he gave all of him to you. On that alter you each gave 100% before you gave as a married couple sex, and emotional needs.
Could it be that we can give our husbands sex every day, because we make a conscious decision to love our husbands in a way he needs and desires to be loved? Absolutely. Is this fair to women? Absolutely. You are one with your husband. You love your husband. Why not act like it? I can promise you this. If you have sex everyday with your husband out of a giving, loving heart, and your mind is consciously there in the moment. Then you will start wanting, and looking forward to that time every day with your husband.
When God spoke the fruits of the spirit, and told us to train our thoughts. He didn't say all of that, because it comes natural to us. No, we have to decide to set our thoughts, our minds on that which is lovely. We have to take our thoughts captive and train them. With sex, this doesn't come to thought every day like it does men. But it can. Tell your husband you want to have sex with him every day regardless of circumstances. Whether you feel like it, whether there is an argument, or so on. When you have sex, be in the moment with your body and your mind. If you start having sex every day, you will start thinking about it every day.
Let's start loving our husbands well. Regardless of what we get back. Find the man you married, by loving him exceptionally well and meeting him where he needs to be met. Train your mind and body to not be ruled by emotions, but to give yourself freely, by loving your husband and meeting his needs. A few days later, watch how your marriage changes by just the loving decision to have sex every day.
xo a girl who sleeps with the pastor