Something I have been struggling with the past months is letting Justus sleep in his own crib. He always sleeps in my arms during the day and sleeps beside me at night. Call me a bad parent if you will, but this is my first go around. Call me obsessive if you will, but I am just a mother who adores her child. Justus is a perfect sleeper, probably because I spoil him so. Whose baby sleeps twelve hours from the time he was two weeks old until currently at seven months? His bed time is between 8:00-8:30 pm and wakes up around 8:00 am, and sometimes 9:30 am if we are lucky. I could not of asked for a more perfect baby.
The reason why I started out putting Justus in the bed was probably laziness. For the first three months Jim and I slept on our couch and recliner with Justus in the floor, waking every five minutes to make sure he was still breathing. After that Justus started going to his cradle and Jim and I were back in the bed. Come to find out Justus must of preferred the floor more, probably because his cradle was used before I was even born and it was too ancient for his new, freshly made spine. Needless to say, I let him try out our amazingly comfortable bed and it became quite convenient since I was waking to feed him every two hours.
Justus is now seven months old and people are still worried he might roll over and smother Jim or me in his sleep since the Dr. refers to him as King Kong. haha. The reason we have not moved him to his crib is because I feel more safe knowing he isn’t going to roll over in the bed where as if he was in his crib I would never know if he rolls over. Ok, ok that isn’t the only reason, Justus has become quite the cuddle buddy and I would totally miss it. There are just too many reasons why not to move him to his bed that come to mind. I have tried on several occasions and eventually give in to my reasons and fail at leaving him in his bed.
So yesterday, I cleaned out his crib because we were having guests over. By cleaning it out, I mean folding and hanging up all my laundry because why not use it as a prop for my clean laundry, it isn’t being used any other way. By the time bedtime came around I was inspired to try again on laying him in his crib. I fed him, clipped his nails after he had fallen asleep, laid him in his crib and covered him up. Crossing my fingers hoping he would awaken so I could bring him back to bed the little sweet baby did not move. He was sound asleep. I jumped into bed and pulled the sheets over only to feel the cold sheets as I lay there next to Jim and sadness hover over me since Justus was so far away. Sleep overcame me, and I was out.
Last night I overcame my fear of something bad happening to Justus. He woke up several times to feed and Jim put him back to bed several times for me. I knew for a long time Justus’ life was and is not in my hands, he belongs to the King of Kings. He was given to me to nurture, not to hold his life together. A dear friend told me the last time I spoke with her, putting her baby to bed was hard, but once she did it she had to give it to the Lord that he would take care of her sweet baby.
Letting Justus go to his crib last night was one of the hardest, and probably most simplest things I have had to do as a mother. It was a lesson, to let the things go in my life that I am holding onto for dear life. The things in life that mean so much to me but ultimately do not belong to me.
We need to check ourselves and see what it is we are clutching onto, because whatever it is ultimately does not belong to us. We are called to be good stewards of the things the Lord has given us, not to reign over them.
What are you holding? Let it Go.